i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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