I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
