pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
