Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
