question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
