She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
