I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
