so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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