Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
