I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
