Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
