His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
