hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
