hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
