wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
