I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
