If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize