this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
