Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
