Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
