She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
