I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The uberlube is also flammable
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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