so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why are your pants in the freezer?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
