Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we're making bets on your personal life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
