I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
