just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
