guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
