The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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