at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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