I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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