I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize