420 ftw
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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