I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate all girls vehemently.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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