i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
