we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
