It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
