the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
