Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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