Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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