that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize