Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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