You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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