I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Maybe he injected his testicle?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
