he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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