Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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