so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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