Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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