Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
