either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
