I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
