my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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