I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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