tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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