The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
