You can't motorboat a personality
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
