I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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