good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
