Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
