The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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