Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
