hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
