Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
