She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
