You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
