My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
